We’re Here & We’re Queer

It’s been awhile since I’ve updated, but I haven’t given up, blogosphere! I promise. I have been quite busy with work & school & all of those other silly adult obligations and responsibilities. If you simply must hear from me, you should consider following me on Twitter because there, I ramble about things like Julie Andrews, reproductive rights and craft beer, all in 140 characters or less!

Speaking of Twitter, one of my new Twitter acquaintances recently posted something about the DC Queer Studies Symposium, coming up at the end of the month. In seeing this post, I was overcome with two emotions: excitement and suspicion. Excitement because, well, I am highly interested in queer studies, psychologically and in general. Suspicion because I have lived in this area for three years, am active in the LGBT community and go to the University of Maryland campus at least once per week. How have I not heard of this?!

After doing some research about the past years of the symposium and this year’s symposium, I have come to the conclusion that there is no way I am missing it. Here is the website. I suggest checking it out my MD/VA/DC followers, especially the sessions. The entire symposium is free (including the lunch and reception). Let me know if you are planning to come (which you should), and we can meet up for a session or two.

Hope to be blogging your little ears off again soon.

-Ann Marie

Why, hello there.

Whoa, okay. I have been terrible at updating this bad boy lately. In fact, I haven’t updated since October. There is so much that we need to talk about, Internet, but for now, I shall post a picture to show you that I am still alive.

It Gets Better

The World Wide Internets have been exploding with blogs, vlogs, updates, websites, tweets and retweets about the new “It Gets Better” project. If you don’t know what this is, it is a project started by the magnificent Dan Savage to address the current state of youth suicide rates (especially among the LGBT community) in America. Now, those of you who know me, know that suicide prevention is one of those things that is “my issue”, meaning it hits a personal cord with me. This feeling is so much so that I feel compelled to speak out for those who feel alone and have even guided my career path toward suicide prevention counseling.

Youth suicide, especially suicide among LGBT youth (both closeted and not), has always been a problem in America. A problem that society was ready and willing to overlook. Unfortunately, there has been a large number of LGBT-related suicides in the past few months that have grabbed America’s attention. Here are some statistics that the “It Gets Better” project posted on its website:
- 9 out of 10 LGBT students have experienced harassment at school
- LGBT teens are bullied 2 to 3 times as much as straight teens
- More than 1/3 of LGBT kids have attempted to commit suicide
- LGBT kids are 4 times as likely to attempt suicide then our straight peers
- LGBT youth with “highly rejecting” families are 8 times more likely to attempt suicide than those whose families accept them

These numbers are surreal and completely unacceptable. For those who feel helpless and hopeless and are reading this, you are not alone. You are cared for. I care for you, whether I know you or not. It gets better & you deserve it. It always gets better. Please do not feel ashamed of who you are or who you may become because, trust me, you will learn to love yourself and you will be loved. Do not give up. The world is a better place with you in it.

If you are feeling suicidal, hopeless and/or alone, please do not keep quiet. Please reach out. You can reach out here to the Trevor Project (1-866-4-U-TREVOR) if you need to talk and hear that you are loved, that you matter and how to get the help that you need. You can check out To Write Love On Her Arms here to learn about others who have pushed through & will help support your personal fight.

Additionally, if you know someone that you suspect may be feeling hopeless or suicidal, please do not stand by. Take action. Tell them how much you care about them. Click here to read how to help someone.

I also want to add the original It Gets Better video, by Dan Savage and his partner, Terry. Please enjoy and keep fighting the good fight.

I love you for exactly who you are.

-Ann Marie

Ambition, Baby

I work with a gentleman from Africa and, despite having many things in common, he always says I am too “optimistic”. He is a self-proclaimed “pessimist that can’t be bothered with worrying about the future”. He also goes on to tell me (often) that Americans are always concerned with where they are going in life. Last time we talked, he even told me we talked that going to college is a waste. That one raised my eyebrows. He is a very smart guy (he fluently speaks five languages) with great work ethic and says he would never go to college.

Now I, for those of you who do not know me personally, love school. I have loved learning in an academic setting since I started kindergarten and have not stopped. I am starting my final year in my undergraduate studies and cannot wait to start my masters program and, then, my PhD. So needless to say, his comment about school being a waste took me aback.

I asked him to proceed with his argument and he went on to tell me that you can go to school for years and rack up so many student loans, while never being sure that you will obtain the job you want in the long run. “You may just end up back here as a server like me, after you get your degree”, were his exact words.

Now in this country, with our state of employment, he may be correct. But I have a hard time dealing with that. In my mind, I would rather prepare myself for a job that I want, rather than not trying at all for fear of failure. And isn’t this how most major life decisions are made? We weigh the pros and the cons, sometimes even making a physical list, when we all know what we will do anyway.

For example, I had a fairly important life change when I first moved to Maryland and was faced with the decision to stay in Maryland or move back home to Kansas. I thought about it, made pro/con lists, talked with my support group and looked at my finances. After all of that, I made the decision that I was originally planning to make: stay in Maryland. Sure, I didn’t have a well-paying job or a degree or any family out here to support me. But I took that chance because I knew that I would rather try and have the possibility of success or failure rather than telling myself I couldn’t make it, no matter what. Now, three years later, I have a better job, I’m much closer to getting my degree and I have an incredible support system here. Thinking that I could have missed out on the opportunities that I have had and not met the wonderful people I have met and now love, it makes me so sad.

I may not be able to get a top-paying job right out of college, but that is not going to stop me from trying and pushing and continuing my life. My friends, do not ever let pessimism, fear of the unknown or discomfort stop you from following your dreams. You can do it and the ride along the way is really the part that you don’t want to miss out on.

-Ann Marie

Sing & Dance

I have been a terrible concert-goer lately. I used to live in the Midwest where concerts were few and far between (read: I had only been to two concerts by the age of 19). When I moved to the East Coast, I started going to shows left and right. I saw bands that I knew I loved (New Found Glory, Dashboard Confessional, etc.) and bands I thought I might like (The Cab, Sing It Loud, etc.). I went to Warped Tour for the first time ever in 2008, then again in 2009.

For those of you who are not live music fans (or do not have the means to see live music), summer is primetime for concerts. You can watch a band perform while you are sitting on the lawn with a picnic, in an outdoor moshpit or in a theatre with coveted air conditioning. Whether correlated or not, most bands/artists also tour during the late spring to early fall time period. So, since 2008, when I started getting into the live music scene in Maryland and DC, I have been pulling out my sunscreen and getting out there to the concerts.

This summer started out differently though. I thought 2010 was going to be another year of fist pumping, crowd swaying and overall musical ecstasy. It was not. Well, not until a few weeks ago. After feeling lame for missing concert after concert, I purchased Warped Tour tickets for a good friend, Diamond, and me. I was unsure whether I would feel too old at Warped (which, I realize, most people start feeling at a certain age), even though I am only 21. (Side note: I did feel a little old, but only because the average age there was around 15. I still had a blast though. And my mom didn’t have to drop me off in a mini-van like everyone else. Score.) Diamond and I met up with another friend, Melvin, and we rocked it out. We wandered around in the blazing heat, got sunburned (even with me obnoxiously slathering on sunscreen), moshed (okay, SHE moshed, while I watched; I told you I felt a little old) and overall had a great time. We got to listen to (and meet) Alkaline Trio, which was awesome (and Diamond loved it!).

The adventure continued the next weekend with the 2010 Honda Civic Tour. It wasn’t until I actually got to the venue that I realized I had went to the same festival two years earlier in 2008 when Panic! at the Disco was headlining (Side note: Is there supposed to be an exclamation mark at the end of “Panic”? 2008 was around the time period in which the exclamation mark was becoming obsolete in their band name.) This year, the Honda Civc Tour included Paramore (as the headliner), Tegan and Sara, New Found Glory and Hathawatha. I love New Found Glory (they are actually one of the first bands I got interested in when I gained my own taste for music) and Tegan and Sara have recently caught my attention (due to the exposure from a really good friend). I was not especially pumped about Paramore, but the two girls I went with (shout-out to Paris and Leah, both of the awesome type) were extremely excited to see them. The arrangement for the concert was on a grassy hill. We had a picnic, watched amazing bands perform amazing music, danced ridiculously and had the best time.

After I left that concert, I realized how invigorating live music is to me. There is something so awe-inspiring about watching, listening and feeling someone play their music in front of you. They are putting their musical ability, and often emotionally-packed lyrics, in front of you, for you to judge. Paris and I were discussing that we actually met at a concert (The Hush Sound) and our first concert together was New Found Glory (so it was great for both of us to see them again). Our friendship began with music. We’ve moshed together, we’ve danced together and we’ve sang (quite loudly and out-of-tune) together. Paris is not the only person that I share this connection with. I can vividly remember sharing moments with my friend over music and a musical experience.

The real message behind this blogpost is really that I wanted to give thanks. Thanks to all of my friends that I have shared that connection with. Thanks to all of the musicians out there, signed or unsigned, nationally- or locally-known, playing huge venues or just in front of the mirror. You are amazing. Let yourself be heard.

-Ann Marie

PS: Although I took the photo of Paris and me, the Warped Tour photo was taken by the lovely Melvin Santos

Pride

This past month, June, is Gay Pride Month throughout the United States. Most major cities host gay pride parades and festivals and there are numerous “gay days” with various organizations such as Disney World, Worlds of Fun, Cedar Point and some Major League Baseball teams (i.e. Night OUT with the Nationals). These events are meant to be a fun, safe place to celebrate individuality. The gay pride events are not exclusively for LGBT folk, but also for gay allies.

This year, I attended both Capital and Baltimore Pride festivals. I was exhausted (because I had to work both weekends), but I had a great time. This was my first year at Capital Pride (which hosts an extensive parade and is the third largest Pride festival in the US) and my second at Baltimore (which is much more laid-back than Capital, but so much fun!).

Even though Pride is an exciting and somewhat chaotic event, there is still an emotional attachment of community and acceptance throughout the weekend. At Capital Pride, I was mostly struck by PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) because there is something so beautiful about family members not only accepting but welcoming and exclaiming that they love their child/parent/sibling despite sexual orientation.

Watching the PFLAG group march together, I got a little choked up. It made me think of three separate individuals that I know (and love) in my life that have not received the familial support that they need and deserve. I want to tell their stories, but will not mention names, as I have not obtained permission and do not want to “out” anyone.

Coming out to your family must be hard, but one of my friends was so brave when she finally decided to do it. She came out to her sister first, who acted a bit shocked, but overall accepting and loving and who pushed her to come out to her parents as well. When she finally did (and she did it with so much bravery), she was met with discontent and hatred. She even left the household for a bit to regain her confidence and allow her parents to settle before she moved back in. And even now, her sexuality is denied (she talks about having to “re-come back out” if she starts dating again). Even though she is a strong, brave girl, she still needs and deserves the same acceptance and welcoming from her parents that she received from her sister.

Another friend is one I have known for years. She came out to me about five years ago and recently (within the past three months) came out to her conservative mother who said that she was “a disappointment”. This is not okay. This girl has a beautiful, fun personality, but feels as if she is less than that. She doesn’t know if she should bring the topic up again for fear of upsetting her mother, when all she deserves is acceptance.

Finally, coming from a conservative family has completely blocked another friend from ever considering coming out to her family. She is scared of the reprecussion of telling her family that she is something that they disapprove of (especially because it seems that she has been working for their approval for a very long time). I hope that someday she will be able to find the comfort and love from her family.

All of these girls’ stories deserve to be told and acknowledged. All of these girls have had to face adversity (whether in their families or within themselves). If you have a friend or family member who is LGBT, please let them know that they are important to you, in whichever way they need to hear it.

-Ann Marie

For the Dead and the Living

I have been exploring DC a bit more now that I am working in the District and yesterday, I visited the National Holocaust Museum. If you live in DC or come to visit DC, this is a must-see museum; it is one of the best I have visited. Make sure that you have enough time though. I viewed only the permanent exhibit and I was there for about 2 1/2 hours.

There are three floors of the permanent exhibit and they each deal with a different portion (chronologically) of the Holocaust. The first floor (which is actually the top floor) is the beginning of the Third Reich and the rise of Adolf Hitler. It covers how Jews (and other minorities, such as Gypsies, homosexuals and blacks) were segregated and discriminated against in the beginning stages of the Holocaust. The next floor is the toughest to get through and where I really started crying. It is the Final Solution floor. For those of you who are hazy on what the Final Solution is, read about it here. In this floor, there are sections showing you how the extermination was to take place and how most of the killings happened. There is a room that is filled with shoes (probably about a thousand shoes) that belonged to some of the prisoners in Majdanek that were sent into the gas chambers (as they were forced to remove all articles of clothing before entering the “showers”). This is so heartbreaking, to see all of these shoes that have survived past their owners. There is a Yiddish poem by Moses Schulstein on the wall above the shoes reading,

“We are the shoes, we are the last witnesses.
We are shoes from grandchildren and grandfathers,
From Prague, Paris and Amsterdam,
And because we are only made of fabric and leather
And not of blood and flesh, each one of us avoided the hellfire.”

On the final floor is the information and videos about liberation of the Holocaust victims. I also choked up on this floor because I couldn’t begin to imagine the overwhelming feeling of being freed from death and torture mixed with the overwhelming feeling of knowing that everyone you know and love has been murdered. As someone that has not suffered in that way, there are no words for it. For those that have, there are only emotions and tears that can adequately say what you can’t. And that is why I cried.

There is one survivor (and now looking all over the Internet, I am not able to find her name to give her the deserved acknowledgement) that said something on camera that really hit home for me. She said that she hopes that the museum visitors will not only understand and sympathize with the persecution that she went through, but also any persecution of any group at any time. She said that she teaches her children to love and not to hate. That is such a simple lesson; a lesson that almost seems too simple. Most people do not think that they are teaching their children to hate. However, biases and prejudices of parents are passed down, almost indoubtedly to their children. It seems that unless there is injustice happening to you personally or unless it is an undeniable genocideof sorts, there is no motivation for most people to halt injustice. Although this idea seems to be a “live and let live” attitude, it is much more damaging. As Dr Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere” and a truer statement has never been made. Allowing discrimination to take place, even as it doesn’t directly affect you, is allowing hatred and prejudice into this world. There is a quote by Martin Neimoeller that seems fitting to add at this time. I am posting it in German (as I feel it gains its power from the original language) with English translation below.

Als die Nazis die Kommunisten holten,
When the Nazis came for the Communists,
habe ich geschwiegen;
I remained silent;
ich war ja kein Kommunist.
I was not a Communist.

Als sie die Sozialdemokraten einsperrten,
When they locked up the Social Democrats,
habe ich geschwiegen;
I remained silent;
ich war ja kein Sozialdemokrat.
I was not a Social Democrat.

Als sie die Gewerkschafter holten,
When they came for the trade unionists,
habe ich nicht protestiert;
I did not speak out;
ich war ja kein Gewerkschafter.
I was not a trade unionist.

Als sie die Juden holten,
When they came for the Jews,
habe ich geschwiegen;
I was silent;
ich war ja kein Jude.
I was not a Jew.

Als sie mich holten,
When they came for me,
gab es keinen mehr, der protestierte.
There was no one left to speak out.

As I left the museum, I signed a comment book. I told them that I had lived in Germany for four years and it is chilling to think that I stood on the same land, looked at the same sky and walked the same streets as some of those men and women who were so wrongly killed during the Holocaust. I can only hope that everyone that passes through that museum takes a moment to remember the hatred and to eliminate it in their own lives.

-Ann Marie

Living Green

I just finished watching No Impact Man, a documentary about a small family (Colin, Michelle and daughter, Isabella) living in NYC, who pledged to stop making any negative environmental impact for one year. Now, that doesn’t sound too hard when you first think about it, right? Let’s just recycle, turn off the lights when we are not in the room and cut down our meat consumption. Yes, all of that and much, much more. The entire family went vegetarian, pledged to stop buying any new items (while Michelle decided to stop purchasing entirely), buying food items from only farmers markets and grocery items that do not come packaged, shut off all electricity (!), use only foot transportation (ie. only walking or biking; no elevators, trains, planes or automobiles), create their own compost…the list really seems endless. And they did it (mostly) with grace. There were moments of breakdown, but I am so impressed with this family. I am impressed in humankind, in general, when I see films or read books like this. Also, Colin writes a blog (linked here) that you should definitely check out.

This brings me to the next logical step: I want to make a difference. Documentaries have a huge impact on my life. This is possibly because of the design of documentaries; men and women, just like me, clawing their way through the world, just like me, trying to change their lives and the lives around them for the better, just like me. I became a vegetarian after watching Food, Inc. and started looking deeply into our healthcare system after Sicko. This is not to say that I am very easily influenced, but I think that most well-contructed documentaries can and will help shape my personal revolution of an issue that I already have emotional and cognitive attachment to.
Living green is something that I have been interested in for years, without proper control or direction. I have recycled for about eight years (since I lived in Germany, where EVERYONE recycles) and have been very conscious of my food choices since becoming a veghead about a year ago. I want to be green. I want my world and my friends and my lifestyle to be green. No Impact Man has given me this direction for which I have been searching. I think that, because this family was able to cover the entire spectrum of green living (from simple recycling to disbanding electricity), it allows the viewers to decide what is best for them in their lives to become a better inhabitant of this earth. Now before I sound too hippie (which is my secret guilty pleasure), I will say that, no, I probably will not turn off my electricity. I will probably still buy some packaged goods. But I will begin to buy more locally (especially my produce, which seems like a no-brainer) and live a more sustainable life. Why would I not want to? I do not want to be responsible for more pollution and by-product than necessary.

I am not trying to change your life, reader. I am not forcing you to buy your strawberries locally or take the bus to work instead of driving. But I am asking you to evaulate your life and see if there is anything that you can and would want to change about your consumerism.

-Ann Marie

Veghead

Hello, my darling readers!

I am currently interning with the Vegetarian Resource Group and wanted to share some of my new knowledge with you. First off, vegetarianism is cool! I enjoy learning more about this lifestyle that I have chosen about a year ago. There are so many options and recipes and support groups and scholarships and everything (!) for vegetarians/vegans. Also, veganism is something that has been appealing to me lately; for those of you who are unaware of the differences, vegans do not eat any food that has been produced with any animal products or biproducts. I am going to try my hand at some vegan recipes (first up, vegan brownies!) and we will see what I want to do from there. I am thinking that I will probably end up with a hybrid of a vegetarian/vegan diet.

One of the things that I am very excited about is that I am currently writing (or more appropriately, planning and brainstorming) an article about vegetarianism in the military. Being the only person in the office with experience with the military lifestyle (which is ironic, because I have never actually served personally), I have been appointed the author for this article. It is a really interesting subject and one that does not get a lot of press (trust me on that one, it is difficult to find legitimate references for this topic). Also, when I am finished with this article (my deadline is the first week in August), it will be published in The Vegetarian Journal, which is the magazine publication that the VRG produces. I am slightly anxious about that, but I have a lot of support in the office and at home (with my vegan friends AND my journalist friends) and I feel as if I can do it. If anyone out there has information (professional or personal) about this topic, I would LOVE to talk to you about it. All points of view are appreciated.

I also learned that PETA is a different organization than what most people believe they are (or what they portray themselves to be). Yes, they are kind of pushy and yes, they show those horrible “Meet Your Meat” videos, but they are actually considered a tame vegetarian action group. I will not be out purchasing a PETA tee anytime soon, but I have been more open to what they have to offer to the animal rights and vegetarian movements. (Also, you can thank me later for just linking you to the “Meet Your Meat” video and not embedding it!)

One other thing that I need to share with you (as I would feel like Scoorge McDuck if I didn’t), is that VRG has a website (linked here) and one of the pages on that site links you to a list of vegetarian/vegan-friendly restaurants in your state. I was pretty pumped about this because I am always open to new dining experiences, but once I realized that they even have states like Kansas and Texas listed (both of which I have sent out to a dear veghead), I was hooked. It is a big deal for Southern, Midwestern or Southwestern states to have any veggie options and for someone to have published it…well, please excuse me while my mind is blown.

I don’t know how many of you are vegheads out there, or how many of you have even made it through this post, but I hope that you check out some things and even make some vegan food (try the desserts; you will never go wrong!).

-Ann Marie

Wasted on the Young

I have been struggling with some serious blogger’s block lately, hence the lack of posting. I hope my readers have been missing me. I have missed you as well. Because of this intense blogger’s block, I have six draft posts saved, waiting for the day to be completed. Today is not that day. Today I am starting a new post and want to discuss a speech that has inspired me, as it has many people across the United States.

Mary Schmich is an essayist who wrote a hypothetical commencement speech for The Chicago Tribune in 1997. The speech, which is entitled “Everybody’s Free (to Wear Sunscreen)” is part of the essay, “Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young”. In this speech, she outlines advice for those of us growing up, ready to face this new world and our new selves. She throws in things such as “floss” and “stretch” in between more in-depth advice, such as “throw away your old bank statements, keep your old love letters”.

I feel as if I am coming toward a transitionary period in my life and I know that a lot of my friends are as well. College graduation, promotions, and location moves; all of these events are important, exciting and terrifying. All of these events will change your life and mine. In many ways, Schmich is correct in stating that advice is wasted on the young. The young will always make their own choices, their own mistakes, their own success. A lot of advice is heard, considered and then dismissed. But every once in awhile, there is that one person (friend, family member, teacher) that gives you insight that you never knew you wanted or needed before. Someone that sits down with you and shares their ideas about life, love, success, money. That person may think their advice will go unheeded (and yes, there is a great probability that it has before and it will again). That person, however, may be providing you with that one phrase, word or idea that you will call upon later when you are filled with overwhelming doubt, fear and despair.

When I was in high school, there was something that I really wanted. I worked hard for it and, in the end, someone else received it instead of me. I was heartbroken. One of my friends at the time took me to the side and said “Don’t worry about that. You are still awesome. Keep your head up.” And now, almost four years later, I am no longer upset about this lack of minor accomplishment in my life, but instead always remember to keep my head up when I feel down. That is how most valuable advice goes, I assume.

Schmich knows what is important to her, to her peers and to the youth as well. I know that just by reading this, she knows what is important to me. I feel motivated and, in a strange sense of the word, loved by this speech. I hope you take the time to read it (or watch it, as I have embedded the video by Baz Luhrmann) and feel as if you, too, can conquer the world.

-Ann Marie